in the homeland

What a few days. Jeez. Ok, lets start where I left off... in Montreal. Friday was hard, saying goodbye to the place, packing, getting a cab and really being out of there. Everything went smoothly in Montreal until I got on the plane, where we were stuck because there was too much luggage to take off (in this shitty little plane) and we waited till they took 9 bags off. 9 people without luggage. Just thankful that wasn't me.

Then it was New York, the view from the plane was amazing. I saw times square, statue of liberty, central park.. all that, lit up at night. That's about all I saw of New York, as I spent the entire weekend in Jersey. We were planning to head to the City on saturday night, but due to insane snowstorm, we ended up in a small, lovely bar in NJ where they didn't ask me for ID, getting a bit hammered. Then to have some pisco, Peruvian style. My head was quite spinny. Got the car stuck on the way home in the insane snow. Next day found orange traffic cone in the back of the car (used to get unstuck)

Leaving the states was hard. I was blubbering, felt like a fool. It's weird to think that its over now, everything I've been planning so far - the exchange, the NY trip. Holy Crap. Oh well, I know I'll be back. I have to.

To cheer myself up, I read the entire Bridget Jones book on the plane. She always makes me feel better because I AM BRIDGET. But perhaps without the insane mother. Didnt sleep at all on the plane, and am now EXHAUSTED. After finished Bridget, started getting my teeth into 'The Open Veins of Latin America' -- Brilliant.

Anyway, big mess and kerfuffle with Dublin-Krakow flight but am now safely at my aunts house, had a brilliant meal, some tea, a shower and feel better... much better.

Now, up for some eyedrops to keep my eyes from shutting, its only past 5pm..... might cave and have a nanna nap, actually.

x a

No, don't make me go!

I'm packing right now, and I'm a mess. I'm crying so much. I don't want to go. I've never wanted to stay somewhere so badly as I want to stay here. If I could have it my way, I'd go back to August 12th and do the whole thing again. Everything. Every essay. Sit every exam again. Cry myself to sleep at the low points all over again. Get lost on the metro and subway again, almost expire from the heatwave in NY and DC and the insane cold in Montreal. Fall down drunk all those times again. Get every cut, bruise, burn and general owie again. Go through every health scare again. I'd do it all again. I want to fly into NY for the first time again, and like all those months ago, see the city and think 'Wow! this is my place in the world'. I've never felt so at home in a foreign country. Scatch that, I've never felt so at home period, as I have in the last 5 months. And as amazing as Europe may be, I wish I was coming back here, for good.

Wet Wool

What a wonderful day. What I though would be a horrible day. 3 exams, -14 degree windchill factor when I left the house. Really, I'm having a pretty grand day all things considered. Exams were ok, but that's the least of it.

Its been snowing like mad, I close my eyes and think I see little flakes, I see them out the corner of my eyes; the image of snow falling has been burned onto my retinas. Its been a snowstorm... hasn't stopped all day and the accumulation is over 1 foot. However, as I was just traversing through a park and a dark alleyway, the deepest I sunk was to my knees. I think the 1 foot deep is on the footpaths where the snow is periodically swept away. There are icicles on all the cars and dripping from lamp posts. All the houses look like they came out of a fairytale! I'm expecting hansel and gretel to scuttle out of a gingerbread-looking house. Almost. And I'm very proud of the fact that I have not (yet... knock on wood) twisted my ankle while attempting to walk off the beaten path (literally) whenever possible. When I arrived home from uni today, I couldnt see the stairs into my building - just one huge pile of snow.

And despite how people complain about it, I think it brings out the best in people. People have been smiling, kids have been running around making snow-angels and lovely young men have helped me cross the mountain of grey swept-away snow on the side of the road that piles up as high as my waist. I saw two shadowy strangers huddling in the park and felt a little uneasy (I'm alone, in a park, at 11pm) but then realised they were building a snowman.

The only thing I dont like is the stench of wet wool when I unrolled myself from my scarfe and peeled off a wet beret and mittens.

...I still love it though.

'Amazing Montreal' or 'Two Weeks Left'

This time, in 2 weeks, I will probably be either in NY or NJ. It makes me sad to think I'll be leaving such an amazing city (Montreal) and an even more amazing city a few days later (NYC). However, I am feeling very 'zen'ned about it.

1. Montreal's not going anywhere. It will be here when I'm ready for it.
2. Its so easy to keep in contact with friends around the world now. I hope and also think its very likely I will see all these amazing people I've met here sometime soon!
3. I can't have it both ways:
- I can't have one more weekend in Montreal AND spend some time in NY
- I can't stay in this amazing part of the world AND see my family and friends
- I can't stay in North America AND work. At the moment. And I want to work.

4. Whatever I'm worried about loosing and missing, if I loose it or miss it, it means I wasn't meant to have it. Simple.
5. You're supposed to feel bad leaving a place. If I felt nothing, this whole trip would have been a waste of time and money.
6. I was lucky enough to have this experience. I worked hard for it and deserved every bit. I feel I've aged a year to every month I've been away (in a good way, not in the 'making business for Olay way), and am a better person for it. I have more direction in my life right now and it seems everything is going in the right direction.
7. I feel I am in the eye of a hurricane of inspiration, direction and opportunity. It is not for me to wonder where it will spit me out. As long as I'm happy, it's where I'm meant to be.

And I'll stop there. 7 is a good number.

In less philosophical news, I am amazed by this weather. My face did feel rather cold when I stumbled into my appartment today, but I love this weather. Its still above zero and snowing a bit everyday. It feels like its below zero due to montreal's crazy windchill. I never really check the real temperature, it means nothing that it's +2 when the 'RealFeel' is -10. You need to dress for -10 if that is the case. And I love snow. My Belgian friend was making fun of me today because I was practically skipping through the streets when the tiniest sprinkle of snow started. The other day was the best though... huge white flakes that accumulated a few centimeters. Didn't last long but was amazing. I feel so alive when it starts to snow, as corny as that sounds. Doesn't matter how cold it is, or how tiered I am, I am a happy happy girl!!! We'll see how I feel later on - perhaps after a few weeks of heavy snow, I'll feel very differently.

Today, I bought myself a new moleskine diary for 2010. I painted the world map inside and painting always makes me feel productive. So instead of watching another crime show in TV, I got off my ass, wrote a pressing email to my professor, now I'm going to finish this entry and go back to my nice, warm bed and chew my way through a bit more of my study.

x a.