Advice; it's what we ask when we know the answer but wish we didn't

As it draws to a close, I've been thinking about my time in France. It's been an adventure, that's for sure. It's definately had it's highs and definately had it's lows.
Now, from the corny nature of my first three sentances, you can see my writing has kind of gone down hill right now.
I've had a few moments of creativity when it comes to sketching, drawing and painting. Last night, I watched a lecture from the University of Texas, Austin, about Frida Khalo, which really got my visually creative juices going.
I've had moments when I painted day and night, although there have been not too many of them.
However, my writing has suffered extremely. I haven't written anything good since I was in New Jersey in December, during my last 24 hours in America, and I wrote a bit in Montreal, though nothing earth-shattering.
I've been thinking about it, thinking about what I can do to get my literary juices going. I used to think that I can only write when I'm extremely depressed. On closer inspection, I decided this to be false, I wrote a lot when I was neither depressed nor happy, and have written a lot when I was exceedingly happy. (I was very happy to discover this as I enjoy not being extremely depressed).
I then tested the theory that I only write well when I'm expecting something very very bad or very very good - when I'm sure despite having no reason to be sure. Which explains a lot, because I am very confused right now and, ipso facto, have not been writing.
Another theory is that I've been mixing too many languages, and therefore, I havent been able to work well with words in one language alone. Although, that doesn't really prove a satisfying theory.
Perhaps, it's that I'm no longer in an academic environment.

Whatever it is, I would like it to stop. I want to be creative again. Not being creative is making me feel rather dull.

And sometimes things just go right...

I woke up this morning feeling pretty average. Rent is due and I had to get my metro pass done. I found out my rent had not gone down since we won't have a new roommate. (insert profanity here).
I barely scraped up enough to pay the cheaper rent. (insert other, stronger profanity here)
I also will not be earning more euros until tuesday (double profanity).
So, I label myself as 'in the financial pits'. I was hoping not to touch my savings anymore until I left for the US.
I put off getting my papers sorted to get my metro pass done by chatting on facebook, reading blogs, muttering to myself and making yet another cup of tea. Finally, I got off my ass, got my passport, my proof of address and my 5 euros for the photomachine (Le Photomaton, just like those in Amelie *sigh*) and headed to Perrache.
Not in a good mood as it was, I grumbled my way through the station to the first Photomaton which was out of order, passing by the insanely full TCL (Lyon Public Transport Co.) office thinking I was going to waste a few hours of my life just waiting in line.
Finally, I got to a working Photomaton and took the photo thinking "I just don't care." However, I was pleasantly surprised. My photo came out looking a lot more glamorous that I had expected. What an ego boost! (that oversized flower I bought at H&M was definately worth the 4 Euro) I quite like it and am considering taping it into both my passports and over my student ID to cover up past photos where I look ridiculous, or very, very stoned.
When the photos came out, and I braced myself for what I learned from past metro-card-acquisition experiences (like those in Montreal), I was set for more questions than I had been asked at Canadian customs (i.e. a lot.)
In Montreal, it took me 6 hours to get my metro pass. In Lyon, it took me 6 minutes. The crowd at the TCL office had disappeard into thin air thanks to the help of a magician named 'Luigi' (it's the only explination as all public service institutions are set up to make life miserable), there were 3 free service people, each smiling as I walked up and gave one of them my documents. She typed things in to the computer, clicked the mouse a few times and gave me my metro pass, valid untill 2015! I asked if I can pay by Visa. She said 'bien sur', smiled, processed the payment and wished me a 'bon journee'.
I thought this is all too good to be true, and perhaps the card only starts working in 24 hours or something. But no, it's true! The card works!!
To celebrate, I bought a baguette and debated which avocado was best (the hard one or the squishy one - I opted for squishy, even though it was more expensive. Also, did you know that 'avocado' comes from a native South American word meaning 'testicle'? The Spanish adopted it to describe the fruit, not knowing the genital reference. Anyway, I digress.), and walked home in the gorgeous sunlight with the breeze that was just enough to make me feel pretty, but not enough to get my hair stuck in my sunglasses and lipstick.
So, despite being in the financial pits, there are some moments in the day where I feel my life has almost reached perfection.

No, don't make me go!

I'm packing right now, and I'm a mess. I'm crying so much. I don't want to go. I've never wanted to stay somewhere so badly as I want to stay here. If I could have it my way, I'd go back to August 12th and do the whole thing again. Everything. Every essay. Sit every exam again. Cry myself to sleep at the low points all over again. Get lost on the metro and subway again, almost expire from the heatwave in NY and DC and the insane cold in Montreal. Fall down drunk all those times again. Get every cut, bruise, burn and general owie again. Go through every health scare again. I'd do it all again. I want to fly into NY for the first time again, and like all those months ago, see the city and think 'Wow! this is my place in the world'. I've never felt so at home in a foreign country. Scatch that, I've never felt so at home period, as I have in the last 5 months. And as amazing as Europe may be, I wish I was coming back here, for good.

Snow, Borscht and Boots.

It really is Murphey's law... just the other day, I got an email from Berlin where it has already been snowing. Outraged, I articulated my disbelief that central Europe got snow before Quebec, although mentioned that I shouldn't tempt fate, I may have bought winter boots but I do not yet have a warm enough coat. Well, last night I left the house to get some snacks at the bakery, it was 1'c and SNOWING. I was frozen. I came home shivering but smiling from ear to ear. My jacket was covered in snowflakes, my hair was damp, and I had gotten many a sour look from people I passed on the street as I grinned like a cheshire cat and caught snowflakes on my tongue and giggled as they got caught on my eyelashes. This morning, my hands were chapped and red, for lack of gloves suited for snow but I was still happy. Enjoying the first snow of the season was so worth it. I was quite devestated when I woke up this morning (more like afternoon, but that's just semantics) and there was no soft white layer of snow covering the world yet. However, I did get compensated by the fact that it was a gorgeous autumn day, the sun was shining and the tree-lined streets of Notre-Dame-de-Grace were all the shades of yellows, oranges and reds. I totally love my life.

Today I also bought my tickets to New York. I'm staying for 3 days and 3 nights which include Halloween. Checking the weather in NY and NJ, I was quite disappointed to learn there would be no snow, and summery temperatures over 15 degrees. (Yes, I said summery... perspective changes here in Montreal). To continue the theme of weather... it's now 3 degrees and I walked home thinking '3 degrees is not cold'... and it's not. Thank god I am coming to this realisation now, psychologically preparing myself for the temperatures to come, which promise to be well below freezing before I fly out of here. I leave on what is technically the first day of winter, December 21, but every quebecois I speak to assures me I will not be leaving without a good taste of a Canadian winter, it will easily reach -20 by then.

In other news, I have finished midterms and am utterly ecstatic with that fact. Now, just have a lot of papers and take home exams to write. Unfortunately, I need a textbook for one of my take home exams (worth 45%), an essay exam due on Wednesday and it was sold out at the bookstore and I have to wait till Tuesday to get it. Meaning, I wont be sleeping on tuesday night. At present, I have finished a total of 30% of my Concordia semeseter. Still a long way to go, and it's going to be hard work.

Tomorrow, I'm planning to get up early and head to the train station to do some field research for my architecture paper. It's only 500 words but I have to visit the site which I've chosen to write about - the train station in Montreal. I'll be able to finish it by dinner easily. I'm also going to take some photos around NDG and downtown with the gorgeous autumn colours.

Ok, that's enough for now.

x A